Student Samples:
You're on a Gigantic Roll

using quality details and strong verbs
like Roald Dahl

The writing of author Roald Dahl is inspiring student writers to try new techniques with the traits of idea development and word choice.

Your students can self-publish their writing to this lesson by clicking here.

Additional Student Samples Being Sought:
Grades 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Student Samples: Early and Upper Elementary
(Samples posted at WritingFix underwent all steps of the writing process.)

The Giant Mango
a group story by Tymoteusz, Preston, and Grayson, third and fourth graders

Once in a small town at a daycare center beside a mango tree, a troublemaker decided it might be fun to knock over a big bag of fertilizer. He knocked it over on the roots of a mango tree. Soon a mango started growing and growing until it pulled the tree right out of the ground. Then the giant mango started rolling out of control.

The giant mango rolled right inside the nearby daycare center, causing the diapers to explode all over the place. One even exploded right into Tym’s face. He started crying, “My face.” He grabbed the diaper and chucked it on the ground, but then the great “beast” appeared before him. Tym said, “Easy big fellow,” but it was too late. He was as flat as paper.

After smashing through houses and crashing through walls, the monstrous mango suddenly left the destroyed town, heading straight for the town power well. Rolling at a high speed, it crashed into the power well and tipped it over.

Creak ! Kaboom! Mango was flying everywhere, accelerating at a high speed.

While sitting on a bench, a grandma watched the mango explode into the honey bucket. Sparks hit her head and she screamed, “Fire, fire, fire!” When the firemen arrived, they shot their squirt guns at the mango, causing it to absorb the water and pop into millions of pieces.

At last, the little troublemaking kid had to pickup all the pieces of the mango that had exploded all over the town. Then the little bad kid had an idea to sell the pieces of mango on e-Bay. His plan worked and he used the money to fix up the town with his new power tools. After fixing up the town, everyone lived happily ever after…well…at least until the bad kid bought more fertilizer.

Eyeball Story
by Zack, fifth grade writer

That day at my cousin Joey’s house seemed like a normal Friday, but things were about to turn this normal Friday into a freaky Friday!

In the house there were two kids fighting when…POKE! “Hey, Joey, you poked my eyeball out! I’m telling! Mom!” screamed Daniel.

Daniel’s eyeball had popped out of his head and landed near a tree. Then outside, where the eyeball had landed, it grew and grew and grew! The eyeball was so humungous that the tree looked like a small teeny root.

As the eyeball began to roll, there was a terrible SNAP! The tree was crushed by the giant eyeball. It started to slowly go over the hill. It picked up speed and began to roll into the village. The people were running in all directions shouting, “HELP!” One person even dialed 9-1-1!

Up ahead of the eyeball there was a giant roadblock on the bridge near the river. The police had established this roadblock after getting the 9-1-1 call. Then…CRASH! SPLAT! BOOM! The roadblock was destroyed! Was there anything that could stop this thing? Would the river that lay ahead stop the eyeball?

As the eyeball was bouncing up and down, its juices were leaving a road of disgusting stuff. Everywhere and everything was chaos. The eyeball began to roll uphill. The people wondered what was in store for them and this giant eyeball. Would it go back down? Would it fall? The eyeball teetered at the top of the hill and…SPLAT! It hit the river and was floating gently down the river. Everyone was drenched and relieved that the eyeball would no longer terrorize the village.

Too bad for Daniel, who could never see well again. He wore a patch for the rest of his life, which made him feel like a pirate. Joey got grounded until he turned 30, which made Daniel very happy.

(Zack's fifth grade classmates also wrote to this on-line prompt.
Click here to view/print Rachel and Thomas's writing samples too.)

All the Way to the State Fair
by Maddie, fifth grade writer

It was the day of the vegetable contest at the State Fair when it happened. I went outside to check on my award-winning tomato. You could say it was big, but to me it was an award-winning tomato.

It was the most exquisite color of scarlet, and whenever I would touch it, I would feel its firm, gentle skin. It was as large as my play swing-set, and it took up nearly half of my backyard.

It was a sunny and bright day when I went out. I was about to cut the vine to take my tomato to the contest.

All of a sudden, I heard a whoosh, like the sound of wind, but louder. I looked up just in time to see a huge, flying hawk. It dove down, almost as if it noticed me watching it. I could see it coming directly at me! I must have closed my eyes while jumping out of the way because when I opened them, I saw that my prize winning tomato’s vine had been snipped. The end of the vine just hung there limp as if it were dead.

I spun around just in time to see a blur of red racing down the hill in my backyard. As it rolled faster and faster, I started to see a blur of green and red. It was picking up trees and bushes as it slid down the hill.

I ran after it, knowing I could never catch it. I stopped to take a breath. Then I realized it was headed right for the highway! Oh, no! Traffic hour! It had just turned 5:10 and everybody was on their way home.

I tried to yell out to everybody, “Clear the way!” but nobody could hear me.

When my tomato finally reached the highway, I was surprised that it missed every single car on the road! When the highway was clear, I raced across to see where my tomato was headed.

I glanced down the other side of the highway and saw the State Fair. I quickly pulled myself together and started galloping down the hill.

I looked like a clown waving my arms and shouting, “Move out of the way!”

I finally reached the bottom. Luckily everybody had moved out of the way in time. There on the side of the carousel was my squashed, red tomato.

The judges of the vegetable contest stood up from their seats at the judging stand. I saw one of the judges whispering to another. The other judge walked over to me and asked me if that was my tomato. I told him sadly that it was.

Then all of a sudden everybody started to clap. I started to smile as I saw the judge grab the award winning trophy from its stand and hand it to me. I started to laugh and cry at the same time while overfilled with joy.

You could say my tomato was big, but to me, it was my award-winning tomato.

(Maddie's fifth grade classmates also wrote to this on-line prompt.
Click here to view/print Connor and Kella's writing samples too.)