A Picture Book Writing Lesson from WritingFix
Focus Trait: VOICE Support Trait: CONVENTIONS

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A Pet's Adventure Story

learning to punctuate direct addresses in a
voice-filled story

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Student Sample: Upper Elementary

by Sage, sixth grade writer

I wake up to two large, anxious, brown eyes waiting impatiently for a morning walk. “Do you wanna go for a walk, Kingston?”

“Kingston, stop pulling so hard on the leash.” Kingston was so excited to go to the park. Immediately when we got there, he jumped into the small duck lake, whining with excitement.

“King, get out of there right now! Kingston, come on, get out! You know you’re going to have to get a bath. Would you listen to me?!” We usually call Kingston King Kong because he is so big.

When I finally encouraged Kingston to come out, he was yanking on the leash so hard I had to let go. The second he saw all of the ducks waddling around, he bolted towards them with great speed. “No! You get back here right now!” I yelled in disgust. As soon as I jumped out to catch Kingston, he saw a group of geese and took off towards them, leaving me to splatter on the ground.

“I’m never going to take you to the park again,” I said, trying hard to be calm. He stopped dead in his tracks, realizing what I’d said. Even though I would still take him to the park, he didn’t know that. “Okay, c’mon boy, let’s go home.” He did not like the sound of that. He tried pulling free towards the lake where he knew I couldn’t get him. “No, you’re not going anywhere, King.”

Once we got home, I immediately gave Kingston a bath that he didn’t like. Kingston shook, splattering me with dirty pond water. “You dumb dog,” I said through my gritted teeth.

The best thing about giving him a bath is that after you’re done, he gets really tired and falls asleep for hours. Once he’s not satisfied with the ground for a bed, he comes in my room and sleeps on my bed. “Good boy, Kingston,” I said soothingly.

(Click here to view/print Sage and three of her classmates' original stories)

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