A Picture Book Writing Lesson from WritingFix
Focus Trait: VOICE Support Trait: CONVENTIONS

Navigating WritingFix:

Return to the WritingFix Homepage

Return to the Picture Book Lessons Page

Return to the Voice Homepage


Navigating this lesson:

Lesson & 6-Trait Overview

Student Instructions

Teacher Instructions & Lesson Resources

Student Writing Samples from this Lesson


On-line Publishing:

Publish your students at our Ning!
(You must be a member of our "Writing Lesson of the Month" ning to post.)

Student Samples Page:
Interjected Emotions!

voicing a short story about a sporting
event or a recess activity

The writing of author David Shannon is currently inspiring student writers to try new techniques with the traits of voice and conventions. Join us in teaching (and adapting) this on-line lesson and sharing your students' work.

You can publish up to three of your students' edited and finished stories at this page.

Use these samples to inspire your student writers! Discussing the strengths of published student samples before, while, and after using this on-line assignment is important. If your students are engaged in trait- or skill-inspired discussions about any of the samples we've posted here, they will produce better writing, especially if you help them take their writing all the way through the writing process.

Thank you, those who share their students' writing with us.


Additional Student Samples Being Sought:
Grades 5, 6, 7, 8, and HS

Learn more about WritingFix's policies for publishing student work by visiting our Publishing Student Writers Information Page.

WritingFix is currently seeking additional student samples from this writing assignment that can be featured in this space. Submitted student work must show evidence of revision, editing, and the final draft must be typed and sent through e-mail.

To have us consider your students' writing for inclusion on this page, you must post the writing to our Ning page dedicated to this lesson. Click here to access that page. You must first be a member of the Writing Lesson of the Month Network in order to post.

Student Samples: Elementary

a sample written during one of Northern Nevada's TWIST Camps
Saves the day!

by RJ, kindergarten writer

Captain Rex is a robot, a super hero.

Emporer Palptene steals the money from the bank. Come on! Get Emporer Palptene. Go! Go! Go!

Captain Rex fights Emporer Palptene. Hurray! Captain Rex saves the day!

a sample written during one of Northern Nevada's TWIST Camps
Miya's Recital

by Carrie, first grade writer

Miya came to dance every Tuesday. Her dance recital was in a week. She practiced until it was time to go. Then she got ready to dance.

The spotlight was out. Go! She twirled onto the stage. Everyone went wild. “Go! Go!” said the crowd.

“Hurray! Go!” I yelled to Miya, “Go! Go!” She danced and skipped. “Hurray!”

She pranced all around the stage. She looked beautiful. “Hurray!” I said to Miya, “Almost there!”

She was tired. I could tell. I said, “You can do it! Go! Go! Go!” She danced until it was over. “Hurray!”

(Click here to open/print Carrie and a TWIST-mate's story)

a sample written during one of Northern Nevada's TWIST Camps
Baseball Royale
by Marley, second grade writer

We run to the baseball field at 4:00 p.m., and we are right on time. As The Hot Dog team, we are first to bat, and Marley is batting. He hits the ball! Whack!

The crowd stands up, but Marley goes the wrong way. Everyone cries, “No, Marley, no!” and Marley was out and all the other baseball team players were mad.

It was then time for the hot dog team to go on the field, but Marley fell asleep out there. Everyone said, “No way!” The loud noise woke Marley up and he stood and got hit by the ball.

Marley was knocked out, and everyone said, “No! No! No!”

He woke up in the middle of the last inning and he got to be a pitcher. He started throwing badly, and the other team went around and around the bases. When the game was over, The hot Dog Team had lost by one point. “Oh no!”

a sample from Mrs. Snow's second-grade classroom
Stop, Rosie, Stop!
by Kassidy, second grade writer

I am tired of telling Rosie she's doing the wrong thing at her cousin's birthday party.  Rosie is trying to lick the cake.  Stop it, Rosie! 

Rosie is pouring Kool-Aid back and forth into cups.  I said stop it, Rosie! 

Rosie is opening her cousin's gifts.  Stop!  Stop!  Stop! 

Rosie is running all over the place.  Please stop it, Rosie!

(Click here to open/print Kassidy and two of her classmates' stories.)

a sample written during one of Northern Nevada's TWIST Camps
The Monster
by Brandon (B.C.), third grade writer

I’m out on Pyramid Lake, rocking in my small fishing boat with the wind in my face. I’m waiting patiently for a bite. Next thing I know I have a bite. My pole bent down like crazy.

Everyone said, "Yeah, B.C., yeah!"

So, I picked up my pole and I’m fighting this fish and it’s fighting me back. I reel the monster fish in. It’s hard because it is heavy. I found out later it weighed 50 pounds.

Everyone on the boat said, "Oh yeah, B.C.”

We ate the fish for dinner that night. Everyone said, "This is tasty and this is juicy. Oh yeah!" Ten people ate off the fish, and they scraped their plates clean. There were still leftovers.

(Click here to open/print Brandon and one of his TWIST-mate's stories.)

a sample from Mrs. Bronk's fourth-grade classroom
37 to 30
by Cody, fourth grade writer

You can do it, Ty! I think to myself as I watch the sweat drip progressively down his face. Just stay focused with your feet planted on the ground, Ty.

“Hike!” Ty yells. The blitz is coming! 10 seconds left! Time for one last play.

“Run, Ty, run!” I yell…Ty takes off running 10…9…8…7…6…

The crowd is chanting in unison, “Go, Ty, go!” He’s at the 40…30…20…10…

“You can do this, Ty,” I mutter nervously to myself. “You can do it, buddy!”

5…4…3…2…BANG! Ty gets leveled on the one yard line. The crowd falls silent…

Ref throws his arms up into the air and shouts, “TOUCHDOWN!”

“You did it, Ty! You won the game!” I squeal.

(Click here to view and print Cody and one of his classmate's stories).

WritingFix Homepage Lesson & 6-Trait Overview   Student Instructions
Teacher Instructions & Lesson Resources  Student Writing Samples

© WritingFix. All rights reserved.