A Picture Book Writing Lesson from WritingFix

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Student Samples Page:
An Onomatopoetic
Field Trip

using sound effects to tell the
story of an imaginary field trip

The writing of author Phyllis Root is currently inspiring student writers to try new techniques with the traits of word choice and voice. Join us in teaching (and adapting) this on-line lesson and sharing your students' work.

You can publish up to three of your students' edited and finished stories at this page.

Use these samples to inspire your student writers! Discussing the strengths of published student samples before, while, and after using this on-line assignment is important. If your students are engaged in trait- or skill-inspired discussions about any of the samples we've posted here, they will produce better writing, especially if you help them take their writing all the way through the writing process.

Thank you, those who share their students' writing with us.

Additional Student Samples Being Sought:
Grades 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Learn more about WritingFix's policies for publishing student work by visiting our Publishing Student Writers Information Page.

WritingFix is currently seeking additional student samples from this writing assignment that can be featured in this space. Submitted student work must show evidence of revision, editing, and the final draft must be typed and sent through e-mail. Teachers: if you can help us obtain one, two or three student samples, along with a digital photo of the student(s) and a signed permission slips, we will send you a complimentary copy of one of the Northern Nevada Writing Project's print publications.

To have us consider your students' writing for inclusion on this page, you must post the writing to our Ning page dedicated to this lesson. Click here to access that page. You must first be a member of the Writing Lesson of the Month Network in order to post.

Student Samples: Early Elementary

by Wally, first grade writer

Pop! The camper hit a bump when we were driving to the campground. When we got there, I climbed a tree.

Snap! A branch broke and I almost fell, but I kept my balance.

After that we had fun camping for seven more days.


by Ethan, second grade writer

One day I went to Honduras.

I was hiking in the forest. Crunch. Crunch. I tripped over a rock.

Aagh! I fell in a hole. I found a gold Idol. I climbed up in the place where the idol was safe, but it sunk.

A big rock was rolling towards me. I screamed, “Eeek!” and climbed as fast as I could. I used green vines to climb out.

I made it out and went home and showed everybody.

Huh! Huh! Huh!
by Mimi, third grade writer

Huh! Huh! Huh! I was riding my bike to TWIST Camp. I was so excited, wondering what fun things we were going to do today. My mind was so on camp I didn’t see where I was going, and then I whizzed down, down, down the hill.

Suddenly, a snake jumped, BOING, out of a bush and bit my tire.

CRUNCH! My bike did a wheelie and I got thrown off my bike. SCRATCH! I hurt my knee and this all happened at the speed of sound.

Then I heard my bike POP! I watched as all the air shot out of my tire. WHIZ!

I was lucky because my mom was going to the store and picked me and my bike up.

(Click here to print/view these three primary elementary stories)

Student Samples: Upper Elementary

by Desiree, fourth grade writer

My mom and I race to the Reno Philharmonic! WHOOSH!

Mom pays the cashier--Ka-Ching! Ka-Ching! I can hear the music. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! We run down the stairs down, down, down.

The security guard yells, “Halt, you are two minutes late!”

MMMM… I am mad, but my mom gets us in. Yes!

A man sits next to me. He is chewing gum -- Pop! Pop! -- but I do not care because the music is so pretty!

The music is over. Now we head home and the car goes WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!

(Click here to print/view Hannah and three of her classmates' stories.)

Journey to an Ice Cave
by Miguel, fifth grade writer

BANG!   I heard my teacher hit my desk with the ruler as she told me to pay attention. I was day dreaming about a journey to an ice cave again.  

A couple minutes later I was back at the cave.  The trail to the cave was windy, snowy, and cold, and the wind was blowing the snow in all directions.  WHOOSH!  I couldn’t see anything.

In the distance I saw a hill, a snowy white hill.  As I hiked, I saw a dark hole in the side of the hill.  When I got to the cave--WHOOPS!--I slipped into the cave’s mouth.

"AAAAHH!!!!"  I slid into the cave, which was not very dark.  As I kept sliding I began to shiver until I finally stopped.

I walked around the cave, and I saw frozen animals on the cave walls:  a huge alligator, a monkey, and a wolf.  I wondered how these animals had gotten here.

CRACK! I heard the ceiling break.  It was falling.  I ran to the opening of the cave, but the ice blocked the cave’s entrance.  

BANG!  I heard my teacher bang my desk again.  This time I was in trouble.

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