Grown-up Rule #1,000,001: Don’t draw on the walls
by Erica, fifth grade writer
Official Reason: The house looks messy.
Real Reason: In reality, the wall can feel tickled and laugh so hard that the whole house will topple over. Then, the house will fall through the ground. Under the ground, the walls will keep laughing, which will cause the ground to shake very severely. The severe shaking of the ground will cause everything (even humans) to topple over and roll this way and that way.
Eventually, everything and everybody will roll off of the earth. This has happened and been recorded before. Scientists believe that somehow the people made a human chain and pulled themselves back to Earth, which was good, but scientists say that it is impossible to do that again. Drawing on the walls can cause the same thing to happen again now or in 1,000 years.
Grown-up Rule #77: Don’t Suck your Thumb
by Elizabeth, sixth grade writer
Official Reason: It’s rude in public and disgusting.
Real Reason: When sucking your thumb, your thumb might fall off. A small thumb can grow little legs, run away, and try to take over the world. A thumb can also grow evil eyes and try to form and army of other living thumbs.
The thumbs would want to destroy the chocolate factories first because thumbs don’t like the warm and delicious taste of chocolate.
The army of thumbs would think they are cool, and next they would need to create a machine that can turn humans into living thumbs. There is the leader, Thumbanator, and the second leader Thumbasoaras. Once humans see the thumb army, they would run and scream like little babies. Some humans would want to be brave and try and stop the army, but they will have no luck.
The thumbs are going to blow up this place, so that’s why you shouldn’t suck your thumb.
Student Samples: Middle School
Grown-up Rule #497: Clean up your room before you have friends over
by Claire, seventh grade writer
Official Reason: It’s not polite, and it gives people the wrong impression of you.
The Truth: The real reason your parents won’t let you have friends over if your room isn’t clean is because of the Clutterling. No, it’s not “cluttering”, it’s Clutterling. Clutterling is when the mess in your room gets “protective”. The mess in your room builds characteristics and relationships the longer it’s out. Obviously, the relationship is with YOU! It feels the need to have your full attention, and so, you see the mess gets to be protective. Crazy as it seems, that’s what Clutterling is. Now, what do you suppose happens when a friend comes over to your house and your Clutterling sees it? That’s right it attacks your friend! Title waves of clothes, tsunamis of books, and tornados of dust attack your friends.
Now I am pretty sure your parents like to uphold a good reputation. What happens if every one hears about how a kid mysteriously disappeared at their house? Their reputation goes bye-bye, but of course they care for you and your friend too. Sometimes it doesn’t happen so badly but even having your friend trip and fall into your mess or twisting their ankle in your clothes pile is considered Clutterling.
Now you know how important it is to clean your room. It’s best if you do it A.S.A.P.! You don’t want to leave your mess out too long or else… CLUTTERLING!!!
Grown-Up Rule # 66: Put Away That Laundry
by Drew, eighth grade writer
Official Reason: These are not their clothes.
The Truth: When the laundry piles up in the baskets, all nicely folded and just waiting to be put away, parents always make up some special reasons to get kids to put the laundry away. But we all know the real reason for NPAL syndrome (Not Putting Away Laundry syndrome); it’s just common human laziness.
A long, long time ago, way before people had enough money to buy more than two outfits, they didn’t have to worry about laundry getting out of control. Then, progress was made. First came the washboard, then the washing machine. After that, people realized they could buy as many clothes as they wanted. That led to another problem: the clean wash piled up because people could do huge loads at a time. That created another problem: a basket full of clothes that needed to be put away. Soon laziness set in. It got late, and night fell, and kids felt fatigued from a long day. They lay down on their beds, just for a minute, and before they knew it, they fell asleep.
But parents know what happens if the laundry isn't put away. While they sleep, the laundry goes out of control. It tears up the house, leaving everything for the humans to clean up at dawn. When the sun rises, humans wake up to see couches flipped over, a trail of socks on the stairs, paintings knocked down, and the refrigerator empty and all its contents in the oven. When you put your clothes away, it’s like the laundry is locked up in a prison cell and can’t get loose.
That’s why parents always stress over putting the laundry away. One night of NPAL syndrome is enough to scare anybody into emptying the laundry basket before night falls.
(Click here to open/print Drew and another eighth grader's descriptions.)
Student Sample: High School
Amanda Mett
by Shatton, tenth grade poet
Have you heard the story of Amanda Mett
Who went outside with her hair dripping wet?
Her mom told her no, but she didn’t listen.
When she stepped outside, her hair began to glisten.
The frost quickly took over her locks,
And before she knew it, they were as hard as rocks.
The last thing she wanted was for her mom to see.
She figured it was too late when she let out a scream.
Her mom marched out, looking quite stout,
And with the prick of her finger, Amanda’s hair began to fall out.
Big chunk, little chunk – it all fell to the ground.
Amanda knew she was in trouble, with her mom not making a sound.
You now know the story of Amanda Mett.
Never go outside with your hair dripping wet!
